Heart Rolling

I have to say... this post is long over due. I should have written it a week ago.

As small children, we all learn certain things very quickly. Like how to say, "NO!" or, "Mine!". And somehow, the majority of us could throw expert temper tantrums without even one lesson! Now I say that lightly, but in reality, it really isn't all that funny. That rebellious heart that we are born with is a product of our sinful and corrupt nature.

Another thing that could fall into the "sinful children's acts of rebellion" is eye rolling. You know, when we don't like something, our eyes seem to want to just roll from one side of our face to the other. This body langauge saying to the recipient of the eye roll, "I don't care what you are saying, and it's stupid. So if you could like, leave me alone that be great." (Or something to that effect.)

Now as we get older, the eye rolling gradually decreases, often because we find it just gives the other person a whole new thing to correct us on. And so we often don't do it. However, the heart issue is STILL there. We may not roll our eyes, but that same old sin is still there.

And so I am finding myself, (this is another of the things that God has shown me in the past week.) heart rolling. Which is only eye rolling on a greater, less visible scale. And because it is less visible, I don't get in trouble for it, because nobody knows. I can think as many disrespectful things as I want and have an extremely disrespectful attitude and not get in trouble for it! Which of course only encourages my sinful heart to do it again. Now of course my heart isn't really "rolling" but if it could... I am ashamed to say it probably would. Wouldn't that be fun to explain to the doctor in the ER, "You see Doc, my heart was being disrespectful to my mother, and it just rolled right over!"

So, all that said, this is something that I am specifically going to be working on in the next couple weeks. So... when you see a little child roll his eyes... You can think of me.

Caroline Ann

Mother, please forgive me for all the times my heart as been disrespectful towards you this week!

My Mothers Daughter

My mother and I are being told more and more now days how much we look alike. In fact we get "you must be sisters" comments quite often. I don't really think about it because well, I live with her, and I am me, and she is she. (I know that is very poor grammar, but I couldn't help myself... It rhymed!) However, I was looking at this picture today (which was taken yesterday by Melanee Kate who is becoming quite the photographer.) and was like WHOA! It just all the sudden hit me. It made me so grateful that I have a mother who I want to look like! Not just on the outside, but more importantly on the inside! My mother has one of the most beautiful hearts I have ever seen. She isn't perfect, but she strives daily to glorify and honor God in all she says and does. Thank you mom for being such a godly example! My prayer is that not only would I continue to look more like you, but that my actions and thoughts would be an echo of yours. You are truly a Proverbs 31 woman!

Caroline Ann

My Sign

My very own sign! Neat huh? =) I have another blog post or so that is just waiting to come out, but I thought I would give you some time to digest my parable before posting another serious entry. =)

I did read an awesome bible verse this morning in my bible time though which I just have to share with you! It was so encouraging to me, especially with how crazy this week has been.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." - Matthew 11:28-30

Caroline Ann

P.S.
So I did kinda photoshop the sign... lol. But it turned out pretty good.

The faith of a child

The other day I was looking through a couple old papers and such of mine, and came upon a couple of the very first songs I had ever written. The chorus of one really caught my eye. It goes as follows...

I'll trust you Lord in all your ways,
Even when I've had a hard day.
You'll always be by my side.
I'll love you Lord with all my heart,
As you have me from the very start.
Jesus, you're my God.

The words are simple, yet they ring so true.
I need to trust the Lord, because he will always be with me, no matter what I do. And he has loved me even before this world began... Shouldn't that inspire me to love the Lord with all my heart, soul and strength?

And yet so many days it doesn't.

And not because of HIM. Because of ME. I want to do things on my own. I think I can do things on my own. "I do not need a sovereign and all powerful God to help me." I tell myself. Going through life isn't THAT big of a deal. Oh but it is. There are times that I can get along ok. But there is something missing. Because God did not intend for us to live life "ok". He wants us to live life to it's fullest! He has an AMAZING plan for our lives, we just need to ask Him to help us.

As I was pondering this, a certain analogy formed in my mind. It's like a master builder who owns a piece of land, on which he wants to build a house for his child. This land has amazing potential, and the builder can hardly wait to take his time to build this house, because of how much he loves his child. He gathers all his materials on the work site and starts slowly, carefully building the foundation. The child watches the father eagerly and is quite happy and content. As the child starts looking at the bricks however, he thinks to himself, "Hmm, I could do this just as easily." And so, off to the side starts to build his own little playhouse. Now as the child is using the materials, the builder has to stop his work. He asks the child to be patient and trust him, let him do the building. But the child ignores him and keeps on working. After a while, a structure, somewhat resembling a shack, has been built. The builder reasons with his child, saying that he has much better in store for him. However, the child is content and says that he is much happier living in his shack, no need for the house. The child continues to grow and is somewhat happy but never fully satisfied. However, he won't allow himself to think about the house that could have been his. And when his father calls (which is often) and the child happens to answer, he assures the father that he is quite happy as he is. And so he lives, lying to himself that he is fine, even when the rain leaks in, and the bugs won't stay away. And all this time, the master builder still wants to build this amazing house for his child.

This probably sums up my life really well. I want to build my own life and heart, and no matter what problems arise, stick with it. But God has shown me that he has amazing plans in store for my life! I need to trust in Him and wait, watching as my life and heart grow into what God has meant for them to be.

It seems so easy when you are younger to fully trust God, simply because he is God. But as things change you want to do them on your own. But it always works far better the other way.

Jesus says in the bible, "Let the little children come unto me, and do not forbid them, for such is the kingdom of heaven." (Matthew 19:14)

And even tonight, this verse struck me. I need to strive towards having the faith of a child. The faith of one who trusts her father, simply because he is her father. Though it it isn't an easy task, I have a master builder to help me.

I pray that God will continue to work in you, as he is in me.

Caroline Ann

P.S.
I am planning and working on putting that chorus into a song, I will post it when I am done.

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No more braces!

Man, I am SO tired tonight, so this will probably be short.
I got my braces off today though! Yay! It's very surreal to think about two years having already passed by. Times really does fly, and it takes you with it. It seriously does seem like yesterday I was sucking on mashed potatoes for thanksgiving! (I got my braces right before... which turned out to be really bad timing.) And now here I am, living in Hawaii, with my braces off. It's pretty crazy.

God was good, it was quite a painful and uncomfortable process... unlike what everyone else told me, but oh well. The orthodontist gave me a bottle of sparkling cider after the whole ordeal. (Instead of candy.) Of course my siblings wanted to drink it all as soon as I stepped in the door, but I'm saving it and it's currently stashed safely away in the refrigerator. (Last time I checked anyway.) Lol, he also gave me pretty balloons. =) Of course one out of three survived the first two hours of me being home. But so is life with the Thomas troops.

The appointment with the dentist went really well too. (for the two peg teeth I have that need verniers put on them.) Although the dentists social awareness around teenage girls was about five... lol, no, I take that back, two. Let me give you a short version of the appointment (I will include all interesting parts anyway, I will say that in general he was ok, and I think he'll do a good job.)
"Wow! You have really, REALLY, little teeth, I'm so sorry. Don't worry, it'll be ok as time goes on..."
"Well, I actually have always loved my teeth being small, it's sorta unique! Though I do know they are tiny."
"So you want verniers put on so your teeth don't look ugly?"
"Um, yes sir..." (Wow buddy, you better be glad I'm not feeling emotional.)
"Yes, I will make you beautiful!"
"Ook." (You do that...)
"Of course you do have a "gummy" smile, but time should fix that..."
"Mmmm, ok sir."
"You know, we don't really have to put these on at your age, but it will give you confidence about yourself."
"Well actually I find my confidence in Jesus!" (I say this very cheerfully and politely.)
(It was his turn to be surprised to say the least...) *Dead Silence for a moment* "In other words, you are cocky as heck."
My mother and I shake our heads in unison and sweetly say,"Noo..."

So yes, that was the dentist. He was pretty nice though. And he got some credit back for saying that my teeth were "delicate". But still, lol, I don't know how he ever wooed his wife.

All that said though, my teeth look SOO much better, and once the dentist finishes them, they'll look even better. So I'm pretty excited. And even more, I am very grateful that I do find my selfworth in Christ alone. =)

Caroline Ann



P.S.
Here are before and after pictures. =)

What kind of big sister am I?

Over the summer I have really tried to build better relationships with my siblings, and it's come a long way. Recently, in the past couple weeks or so, I've been more focused on trying to make them feel loved. I'm finding it doesn't take grand schemes and huge surprises (though I'm sure those are nice too.) the little things in life count for a lot.
Anyway, so I'd really been thinking about this the past couple weeks and have tried really hard to do things like, listen to Kate when she wants to tell me about some book she is reading, or movie she watched. Or complement Wyatt on something he's done really well. I'm finding it's gone a long way.
Just a couple minutes ago, I walked past Wyatt (who was laying in the hallway reading, since Jefferson was sleeping in their room.) into the bathroom to brush my teeth. So there I am leaning forward staring at my teeth and reflection in the mirror (don't you stare at your teeth before you brush them?) when I start thinking about this whole loving your siblings thing. And the more I start thinking about it, I start thinking about Wyatt reading all by himself in our lonely little hallway, when Kate and I have a nice warm, inviting and clean (yes, I did finish cleaning it yesterday after I wrote my blog post) room to read in together.
Something seemed wrong with this... So, I stop staring at my teeth, and walk into the hallway and invite Wyatt to read with us. His eyes sorta sparkle for half a second, and then he looks at me and it like, "well, umm...". And so I go into my room and explain the situation to Kate, and then tell Wyatt Kate doesn't mind him coming and reading either. He half sticks his head in the door and then says, "Ok, what's the catch?"
WHAT KIND OF BIG SISTER AM I?? My very own little brother thinks there is a CATCH to reading in my room. Of course I know that the idea didn't pop into his head by chance... Someone must have set a trend that made him think that... (Though I can't imagine who that could possibly be.)
Anyway, I will be continuing to work on showing love to my brother specifically this week. I've come a long way, but I have a lot to learn...

Caroline Ann

The Bigger Picture

Mmmm, it's raining outside. That always puts me in the mood to write. If it were possible to dance with the weather, you'd find me waltzing with the storm clouds. *sighs deliciously*

Anyway... I've been meaning to post this picture... Lovely isn't it? My sweet siblings bought and picked those flowers out for me all by themselves! (I've had viral meningitis all week.) Could a big sister be more loved?

And then of course I had to take a picture of them later that night because one, I needed a picture, and two, I couldn't sleep! And just in case you are wondering, the object beside the flowers is a thermometer.

Artistically, I thought it turned out pretty well. The central focus is on the roses, but then you also have my bed in the background, and the thermometer, which pretty much symbolizes my past week.

The only problem with the picture, is it looks way too peaceful, and calm, and neat. It's missing the haggard looking girl with huge circles under her eyes, and all the medication and other such junk that had practically glued itself to my bedside table until I swept it off to take the picture.

But that "problem" made me start thinking. How often, when I come before God whether in prayer or in my bible time, do I try to show God a small picture of my heart, much like that one, and try to explain that my relationship with Him is fine, when it really is not. "Well Lord, look, we have these nice flowers, and the bed, though not made up looks ok, right? And oh yeah, uh, the thermometer, that's just a small trifle, nothing to worry about." When that is only just part of it, if you looked at the whole room, you'd see how unmade the bed truly was, and all the things that should be beside the thermometer, and the girl herself... the biggest issue of all.

I am so grateful though for the things that the Lord is doing in my life, and I am so grateful that He sent His son to help clean up the "bigger picture" in my life! I did my best to explain this analogy that God impressed upon my heart, I hope it made sense to you!

Well, the rain has stopped, and I do have a room to straighten, so I need to wrap this up. Have a great Lord's day tomorrow!

Caroline Ann

To blog, or not to blog?

That is the question I kept asking myself almost unconsciously. As you may tell, I decided in favor of the former, and so am writing this entry.

Now I give you fair warning, I may not update very much. If at all. I have never been much for writing in a journal or diary, or blogging for that matter. So my past history is certainly not in this poor internet spaces favor. However, I often imagine the kinds of stories and musings I would put in a blog, most very fantastic and rather interesting thoughts. But again, it may be nye impossible. We shall soon see.

And as far as the blog title, I do suppose you might be wondering about that. Well, the name comes from several factors. One being that the blog title, "my view of the world" was already taken, and I wanted something that somewhat portrayed that. And two, my father calls me a princess, and my best friend calls me a queen, therefore I choose the word castle since it seemed to "royal." =) In short, the title simply reflects my view of the goings and comings of those far and near from me. If this doesn't make sense to you, well, I suppose it really doesn't matter.

I pray this finds you well.

Caroline Ann